


Don't Let Me Go

by xindesum



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, I HOPE THIS WORKS i messed up last time, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25906924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xindesum/pseuds/xindesum
Summary: Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime had been best friends for twelve years exactly. This, Oikawa knew for certain…In which it takes Oikawa twelve years, an aquarium, and girls at the beach to figure out that maybe, just maybe, he likes Iwaizumi more than as a friend.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 16
Kudos: 98





	Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank Bee, Rosie, and Ness for reading this over and providing me with support and love. I wouldn't be able to publish this without you guys. Much love.

Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime had been best friends for twelve years. This, Oikawa knew for certain; there was an annual reminder set on his phone for their friendaversary, the day they proclaimed themselves _best friends forever_.

Every year, they celebrated their friendship. Cheers, to the past twelve months; cheers, to twelve more. They had been doing this since they were six years old. 

In middle school, Iwaizumi once grumbled about how stupid it was.

“It’s not like we’re married or anything; there’s no reason to celebrate,” he had protested. “Why do _we_ have to do it if other people don't?”

Oikawa had looked away and mumbled, almost to himself, “Our friendship means a lot to me,” and Iwa shut up promptly, lips parted, eyes huge, cheeks dusted pink. 

He never complained since. Oikawa liked it that way. 

On their first friendaversary, their parents took them to the zoo. Their hands clasped together as they watched the monkeys swing from tree branches and the tigers prowl around their habitats. They tumbled after each other, bundles of energy and excitement, dashing from exhibit to exhibit, pointing with their free hand at any animal in sight. When the families took a break to rest for a bit, the children dangled their legs off the bench as they sat side-by-side, fingers still laced, engrossed in otherworldly conversation as their parents looked on in amusement. 

Last year, they took the three-hour train ride to Tokyo to spend the weekend together. At first, they had planned to explore all twenty-three wards, but it turned out that two days wasn’t nearly enough time for that. And after their Skytree adventure went awry (it had closed for maintenance, right before Oikawa and Iwaizumi were supposed to enter, after an hour wait in the long line during the dreaded summer heat), neither of them had the desire to complete their Tokyo bucket list, even though they still had hours to spend in the huge city.

Since this was their third and final year of high school, Oikawa wanted it to be the biggest, bestest friendaversary _ever._ After all, what said, _“We’re going to college next year!”_ more than a little celebration?

~ • ~

Oikawa began his planning over a month before their anniversary, with the help of his dear friends, Mattsun and Makki. They had been unceremoniously dragged into the process when Oikawa had texted them at two in the morning with links for Airbnb’s in New York City. Needless to say, they shot down his idea immediately. 

Iwa had no idea what Oikawa was plotting, and Oikawa intended for it to say that way until the day of. He wanted everything to be a surprise. If he thought last year’s anniversary timing was great, this year’s was perfect; since their friendaversary fell on a Friday, that meant that they had all of Friday, all of Saturday, _plus_ Sunday to celebrate. 

It was going to be a blast.

~ • ~

Because they still had school on Friday, Oikawa decided to keep it rather simple: a nice dinner, with his family and Iwa’s. Well, actually, the dinner was Iwa-chan’s gift for him. A home-made meal made by the one-and-only was too exciting to pass up. While Oikawa had a tendency to set off the smoke alarm and make a mess of the kitchen and himself, Iwa handled the food and utensils with ease.

According to Oikawa’s parents, Iwa-chan was the only one that touched and prepared all the meals. He had even snapped at his parents when they tried to help. Hence why that night’s dinner was extra special. 

Oikawa was delighted. He shoveled food into his mouth before restocking his plate with more rice, more curry, more beef, more agedashi tofu as Iwaizumi only looked on with amusement. His own plate was empty; he must’ve finished eating already. 

“Iwa-chan, your cooking is amazing,” Oikawa exclaimed, but the sheer amount of food he had stuffed in his mouth rendered his praise unintelligible. Iwa rolled his eyes before plucking a piece of beef off Oikawa’s plate for himself. 

“Chew before you talk, Oikawa; it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.”

With that, Oikawa’s mouth snapped shut, cheeks heating up. Even though he shot Iwa a glare, he obeyed his instructions with no complaint. Iwa’s younger sister, who sat beside her brother, giggled at their interaction. Oikawa made a face at her, but that only made her laugh harder. 

He squealed at the sight of dessert: milk bread — his favorite dessert, bought from the store — and strawberry shortcake — made from scratch. Iwaizumi mentioned that the kitchen was an absolute wreck after he made the cake, covered in a light layer of white flour and melted butter and spilled milk, and Oikawa laughed until he wheezed. It was unexpected that Iwa, an incredible cook, was mediocre at baking, but he supposed that no one can be perfect. 

Oikawa wiggled his fingertips as he inched them towards the milk bread, which made his best friend scoff. Because of volleyball, Oikawa was on a strict no-sweets diet, but today, he supposed he could make an exception. 

“Because I made myself agedashi tofu, it was only fair to have your favorite food as well,” Iwa explained, and he refused to make eye contact with Oikawa, even though they only sat a few inches apart. His ears turned pink, and Oikawa beamed. It wasn’t uncommon for him to be this considerate, but it still warmed Oikawa’s heart nevertheless.

He broke off a small piece from the milk bread in his hands and held it out to Iwa’s mouth. 

With an innocent expression, he cooed, “Say _ah_ , Iwa-chan ~”

Iwa immediately shot him a glare as the blush spread from his ears to his cheeks. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips turned down in a frown as he tried, to no avail, to push the piece of food out of his face.

“Hey, you’re being such an idiot,” he protested. “Get that away from my face! Why are you like this, you bastard?”

“I’ll only stop if you eat it, Iwa-chan ~” By now, Oikawa was giggling. He waved the small bread in front of Iwa’s face like a taunt. 

“You’re lucky we’re at dinner right now, or I’d punch you hard in the gut!”

“Open up!”

And with that, Iwaizumi scowled, but at least he stopped fighting back. He did what he was told and let Oikawa feed him bits and pieces, shooting daggers into Oikawa’s skull as the other boy hummed his approval. 

Oikawa had learned from a young age that Iwaizumi never truly meant _no_ when they were together, no matter how much he complained or threatened. This was one of those times. 

~ • ~

He spent the night at Iwa’s house as a part of their friendaversary, and that evening, they climbed out of the bedroom window onto the roof. It was an easy feat, partially due to their strength and height, and partially because they’d been doing this since they were little, trying to find a way to talk and laugh and beat each other up without waking up Iwa’s parents. Things hadn’t changed much since then. 

That night felt different. They laid on their backs and stared at the bright stars. There were no clouds in the sky, no far-off city lights, nothing, only a gentle breeze in the air. Few words were exchanged between them, and they fell into a comfortable lull.

But, at the same time, Oikawa’s mind was running rampant. He wondered if tonight felt just as bittersweet for Iwaizumi as it did for him. He wondered if it was because they both knew that this would be their last friendaversary together before university. He wondered if the sky could open up and swallow him whole and take him away from here, because he was _happy,_ and he didn’t want that to change.

Because next year would bring change, and in April, the two would be going off on their own paths. They had had this conversation before, and had promised that they would choose the university that would give them the best opportunities, even if that meant they weren’t going to the same school. The fact that they might have drastically different lives the next time they’d celebrate was overwhelming. Oikawa let out a sigh and tugged at his hair out of frustration. He hated worrying about this.

Iwaizumi interrupted his thoughts with a question. “What are you thinking about?” he asked. When Oikawa glanced over at his friend, he saw that Iwa was looking at him with intent. He hadn’t bothered to prop himself up, only turning his head to the side to give Oikawa his full attention. 

Oikawa hesitated, averting his gaze back to the stars above. He wondered whether he should tell the truth, or if he should lie. But Iwaizumi always knew he was lying, so maybe it was best to be honest. 

“D’you think it’s likely that we’ll go to the same university?” Oikawa murmured. Iwaizumi exhaled loudly from his nose. Oikawa didn’t need to look over to know the face his friend was making: eyebrows raised, not so much out of surprise as it was out of consideration, lips turned down into a small pout. He didn’t get a response for a while, which made him a little antsy. 

“I’m not sure,” Iwaizumi finally admitted. “But whatever happens, you’re always going to matter the most in my life. You’re my best friend, Oikawa. Distance and different schools won’t change that.”

Oikawa sighed. “Yeah, you’re right.” 

~ • ~

The next day was a beach day. Oikawa had packed a volleyball in his bag because he knew they would play, even if Iwaizumi had said that he wasn’t interested. One look at a net, and Iwa would be yearning for the weight of the ball in the palm of his hands. Oikawa felt the same.

Despite the fact that it was boiling outside, the water was nice and cool around his waist. He waded in a little bit further as his toes sunk into the sand, stopping before it reached his chest. He hadn’t planned on going too deep into the water for fear of getting his hair wet, but that changed when Iwa grabbed his head and dunked him in, face first, into the cold sea. 

Oikawa yelled as Iwa cackled, gripping his aching ribs. His hair hung in front of his eyes like a brown mop, soaked and utterly disgusting. He combed his bangs back so they were out of his face and groaned. It would take ages to fix the mess on his head.

“Iwa-chan, I hate you so, so, _so_ much!” Oikawa lunged for his friend as water splashed everywhere. Iwaizumi was still laughing, that bastard, even as Oikawa was trying to drag him down to the depths of the ocean. 

“Stop, stop, I’m gonna pee,” Iwa cried. 

“You’re such a monster, look at my _hair!”_

“Your hair’s fine, Shittykawa. It looks good. Stop being so insecure about your hair and loosen up a little.” He squirted water at Oikawa’s face, the latter boy protesting loudly. “We’re at the _beach_ , idiot. When was the last time we went?” He had a point. But instead of acknowledging it, Oikawa pouted.

“It’s weird when you’re the one telling me to loosen up. Usually, it’s the other way around.”

“Usually, you’re the one that makes me mad.” Another point. Iwaizumi had too many points, and it was getting on Oikawa’s nerves. He squirted water into Iwa’s face in response, and then slammed his head into the water when his guard was down.

“Crappykawa, you’re such a menace,” Iwa complained as he rubbed water out of his eyes. Oikawa stuck out his tongue at that, which landed him a swat to the head. 

It didn’t take long for them to pull out the volleyball. They peppered for a long time, sending the ball back to the other person with precision. They practiced serves and tosses and the occasional spike, calling out compliments with every good touch. 

While others might’ve complained that they couldn’t play matches with only two people, the lack of members didn’t bother them too much; they had played together alone like this enough times that it had become natural. When people _did_ ask to join, however, the duo were more than excited to welcome them in and play a match or two.

Although the basic premise of the sport was similar to regular volleyball, the beach version of it was more different than Oikawa had expected, but he and Iwa were good enough at reading each other to make decent plays, despite their lack of experience in beach volleyball. They lost a few matches, tied a few matches, and won the rest. Whatever the outcome was, each game was immensely rewarding, in and of itself. 

It had been a while since Oikawa had simply enjoyed volleyball for what it was, not caught up with the idea of success and perfection. Out here, scorching sand on the soles of his feet, sun beating heat onto his skin, he thought of nothing but the ball.

It turned out that their popularity knew no physical boundaries and extended beyond their school campus. Several times, they were chatted up more by girls who had seen them play. Other times, they were lounging on their towels when someone would come over, asking for their number or giving theirs away. Occasionally, it happened when they were swimming in the ocean, girls calling them over to get their attention. Oikawa wasn’t sure if it was normal to be approached by so many strangers, but he was flattered nevertheless. 

By the end of the day, Oikawa had managed to rake in countless email addresses and numbers from girls. They were all random names associated with random numbers and pretty faces, and despite the fact that they were strangers, he couldn’t help but be flattered by the idea that someone would go out of their way to talk to him. Iwa rolled his eyes and shook his head in disapproval when Oikawa brought it up on the way back home. 

As annoyed as he might’ve seemed, Iwaizumi had fared pretty well himself out there on the beach, so he couldn’t have been too irritated. While he didn’t catch as many girls’ attention as Oikawa did, he still managed to get quite a few himself. Oikawa wasn’t surprised; his best friend, although he would never admit it to his face, was quite the stud. 

On the train ride back home, Iwaizumi was quieter than usual. Oikawa had been too distracted to notice for a few minutes, sorting through all the numbers and emails and complaining about how he didn’t have time to message all these people. For the first time in a while, he looked over at Iwa. 

Oikawa paused his ramblings. His expression softened as he gazed at his friend. Iwa’s cheeks were flushed from the heat and the sun.. He had definitely gotten tanner since they left this morning; Oikawa was sure he himself had as well. His lashes, long and dark, fluttered as he tried to keep his drooping eyes open as his head and shoulders slouched in his seat. They had spent the whole day at the beach, swimming, playing volleyball, even eating dinner by the sea; no wonder Iwaizumi was so tired. 

Oikawa sighed. “Here, use my shoulder.” 

He scooched closer to Iwa, gently guiding his head down and combing his fingers through his friend’s black hair as he did so. Iwa’s hair always felt softer than it looked, something Oikawa had accepted as some sort of strange paradox. The boy listened without a complaint, and gratefully used him as a pillow. With his arm around Iwa-chan’s shoulders and Iwa-chan’s head on his, Oikawa felt content.

They spent the rest of the train ride home like that.

~ • ~

The third and final day of their friendaversary was as pleasant as the last few. 

It was a trip to a nearby aquarium, only an hour train ride from their homes. They used to go often when they were younger, yanking on their mothers’ arms and clothes to direct attention to the animals. The two children used to have so much energy, dashing off to see one exhibit after the other, eyes huge as they pressed their faces against the glass. Oikawa’s favorite place had been the jellyfish exhibit, where the room was dark except for the tanks, which lit up a twilight blue as the bioluminescent creatures glowed. 

Time used to slow down here; he would get into some sort of trance, standing there in front of the jellyfish as they moved with no hurry. He used to wonder what it would be like to drift alongside them, to think nothing of his current concerns or future plans. Was it silly of him to be envious of a simple yet beautiful creature? 

The aquarium had changed quite a lot since the last time Oikawa had been. The place was recently renovated. Now, it had a completely new outdoors area and a third floor to their main building. He was lucky that he had booked tickets prior to their arrival, for the queue to get in was long. 

As soon as they entered, a wave of excitement rushed through his body, pricking his fingertips and bringing a huge grin on his lips. He glanced back at Iwaizumi, who had his own version of the same unbridled excitement on his face.

They moved through the place at their own pace, pointing at the penguins that waddled by in their habitats and tapping at the glass when one of those colorful fish swam by, even though there was a sign somewhere that explicitly warned against it. They made faces at the scary sharks that swam above and around them and yammered at the polar bears.

Hours passed quicker than Oikawa had expected. By the time they sat down to rest, it was already four o’clock. They had been there for over three hours by that point, and there was still so much more to see. He hadn’t realized that the aquarium was this expansive; he could’ve sworn that they used to only stay for two hours, at most. 

“Oikawa, there’s a meet and greet with the harbor seals at 4:30,” Iwa said as soon as Oikawa was back with some fries and sandwiches. Iwa’s fingers ran down the line of text, following his gaze as he read the map guide that he had picked up on their entrance in.

Although Iwaizumi had said it like a statement or observation, Oikawa knew that it was just his way of asking if they could go. Iwaizumi hardly ever asked for anything. He either demanded it, brought it up as a suggestion, or said it as a statement. Today, it was the latter. 

“Let’s eat first and then go,” declared Oikawa. He was already reaching for a sandwich, and Iwa made no hesitation to follow his lead. “Also, I want to go look at the keychains at the gift shop, so let’s hurry.”

Iwa rolled his eyes, but made no complaints. 

They ended up buying matching keychains. Oikawa insisted that they did, as a commemoration of their twelve years as best friends, even going out of his way to pay for Iwa’s. Oikawa had gotten a metal seal with a ball balanced on its nose, while Iwa-chan had gotten a metal seal eating a fish. It suited them well, Oikawa reckoned. 

He cooed over the harbor seals during their 4:30 meet and greet, whose speckled silver fur glinted in the sun. They seemed at ease around people, exposing the undersides of their pudgy bodies as they sunbathed on the rock floor. Iwa’s arm quickly became Oikawa’s punching bag whenever the seals did anything cute, which was always. 

“Iwa-chan, look at the _baby!”_ Oikawa gasped as he rapidly tapped Iwa’s bicep. “It’s so cute, _oh my god,_ Iwa-chan, I want to adopt it.”

“There’s no way you can adopt a seal, dumbass,” Iwa huffed, “plus, you’d probably kill it within the first week.”

Oikawa pushed his lips out into an overexaggerated pout as he tore his eyes off of the baby seal to glare at Iwaizumi. “I’d be a good dad,” he grumbled. “You’re just jealous that I’d spend more time with it than you.”

Iwa scoffed and rolled his eyes, but he stayed silent. Instead, he reached over to stroke the head of one of the seals. 

It was rare for him to not counter his friend’s antics; it only happened when he was at a loss for words. That meant that today, Oikawa was triumphant in having the final word. 

He beamed like he had just won the biggest prize at the carnival, and Iwa-chan smacked him on the back of the head, grumbling, “Your smile is so bright, it would look stupid on anyone but you.” 

The air rushed out of Oikawa’s lungs. His jaw fell open before his lips turned up into a sly grin. 

“Did you just compliment me?” he asked, leaning into Iwa’s space, eyebrows raised and eyes sparkling.

“Ah, sorry, that was supposed to be an insult,” Iwaizumi responded, like hurting Oikawa’s feelings was the most natural thing he had ever done, as easy as breathing. He hadn’t even paused his petting, going on as if nothing had happened.

“So rude,” Oikawa whined.

“You’re annoying,” Iwaizumi retorted. 

Oikawa relished in their banter. Amongst other things, it had remained a constant throughout their years of friendship. Even if they had gotten into a huge argument, they’d be bickering again the day after, Iwa-chan with the borderline-bullying, Oikawa with the incessant pestering. It never took long to forgive each other. 

Their final stop of the day was the jellyfish exhibit. Just like when Oikawa was seven years old, it took his breath away. Thanks to the renovation, it was even more ethereal than it had been before. The whole room basked in a dark blue, even the floor, which lit up with every step that they took. The tanks themselves were similar to before, only larger this time. There was a greater variety of jellyfish, a greater variety of colors. They were as magical as Oikawa had remembered.

Oikawa took his time in front of each tank in the exhibit. Iwa-chan kept to his side and never left, like an unwavering anchor tethering him to the ground in a place he was sure to ascend without it. The way the jellyfish swam pleasantly in their huge habitats fascinated Oikawa. They bumped into each other every now and then, but took no notice of their surroundings and continued to float around. No matter their shape or size, every single one of them was as beautiful as the constellations in the sky.

When his head turned towards Iwa, he was surprised to find him looking not at the jellyfish, but at Oikawa. His expression was unreadable: eyes half-lidded, lips ever-so-slightly parted, gaze piercing through Oikawa’s body. It sent tingles down Oikawa’s spine, running down his arms and legs and settling in his extremities, until his body ran cold. Under Iwaizumi’s gaze, he couldn't help but feel small and helpless. He froze where he was, trapped, unable to lift even a finger. He tried to look away, tried to move away so he could get some fresh air, but his body wouldn’t let him. They were so close, shoulders almost touching, faces inches away. Oikawa couldn’t breathe. 

“Iwa-chan?” he whispered. He felt like there was something he was anticipating, yet he didn’t know what. His bones were vibrating, fingers thrumming, heart stuttering. Iwaizumi was still looking at him like _that_ , and it was driving Oikawa crazy. 

It took Iwaizumi a moment before he responded, a soft murmur, “The jellyfish exhibit used to be your favorite place. I’m glad that hasn’t changed after all these years.” 

Finally, _finally_ , he looked away, head turning to stare at the jellyfish in front of them. 

His words sent shivers down Oikawa’s spine as his cheeks grew hot and his chest twisted like there were thorns growing in his lungs and between his ribs. For the first time in ages, Oikawa was at a loss for words. 

Few words were exchanged between them for the rest of their time at the exhibit. The silence felt different than it had before: heavier, purposeful, like there was something lingering in the air between them that had remained unsaid. However, when they said their goodbyes to the aquarium, they also left behind the tension, and Oikawa was in great spirits once again.

“So long, my loves,” he crooned to nothing in particular. He waved the main building farewell with tears in his eyes as his friend shoved him hard with his shoulder.

“You say that like you’re going off to war,” Iwa grumbled.

“Maybe I am; you never know what’s going to happen when we get back home.” Oikawa shivered at the thought, and Iwa-chan rapped his knuckles against Oikawa’s temple. 

“You’re ridiculous. We are going to eat dinner, do homework, then go to sleep.”

“Yeah, yeah…” 

~ • ~

The sun had already set by the time they headed home. The sky was lit up by a bountiful amount of stars, and they reminded him of the bright, glowing jellyfish they had seen a few hours earlier, which only brought back that moment with Iwaizumi. 

Just thinking about it made Oikawa a little nervous, but there was nothing to be anxious about; nothing to run from; nothing to worry about. Maybe he was reading too much into it. He shoved those infiltrating thoughts out of his mind; he didn’t want to be thinking about them now. 

“Thank you for a good friendaversary. I think this one was the best one yet,” Iwa mused. Oikawa cheered at that, a little _“yahoo!”_ and a giddy twirl. Despite how he felt only seconds ago, he carried a pep in his step for the rest of the way home.

Both of them still had homework to do for the next day and had agreed to work together. Oikawa made a quick stop at his house to grab his school bag before heading over to Iwa’s. 

As he entered, he called out, “Pardon the intrusion,” and slipped his shoes off at the doormat.

Iwa’s mother popped her head out from the living room. She gave him a bright smile and a merry wave.

“Hi, Tooru! Hajime’s up in his room,” she greeted. Oikawa bowed and uttered a quick thanks before climbing the stairs up, only to find that Iwaizumi had already started his homework without him.

They studied in silence for a couple hours, Iwaizumi by his desk, Oikawa on Iwa’s bed. Oikawa was beginning to nod off. It had been over an hour since they had taken a study break, and he was practically running on fumes. 

His handwriting was getting sloppier and sloppier with each character, and words in his textbook were turning into a hazy pile of indecipherable scribbles. Concentrating on his assignments had been hard since the beginning, and now that his mind was pleading for sleep, his attention span had slipped into nonexistence. He stifled a yawn and rubbed his burning eyes.

Everything else could be finished tomorrow before class started, he supposed; there wasn’t too much left to do, anyway. He moved his books off the bed and onto the floor. As he laid on top of the covers, head resting on a pillow, he hoped that Iwa wouldn’t mind if they shared a bed tonight. He was too tired to pull out the futon. Plus, it’s not like they hadn’t done it before, sleeping in the same bed.

He glanced over at his friend, who was still working hard. Oikawa had no trouble distinguishing Iwa’s features, despite his bleary eyes. Even though he had been working for hours, his posture was still perfect. The light from the desk lamp turned his messy hair golden. He was staring fixedly at his homework. His eyebrows furrowed and his tongue peeked out from between his lips, a sign that he was engrossed in the task at hand. 

What did Iwaizumi want to tell him back at the aquarium? And why hadn’t he? 

“Iwa-chan?” His own voice sounded groggy and soft to his own ears. 

“Hmm?” Iwa turned to the sound of his voice. His gaze seemed to soften as he caught sight of Oikawa, half asleep on his bed. 

“Are you gonna message the girls from yesterday?” Oikawa had thought about it plenty, curious to see what Iwaizumi would do, but he had no reason to ask now. 

His friend only frowned in thought. He hummed, as if he was considering his next move. 

“I don’t think I will,” he finally said. This surprised Oikawa, and he brought himself up on his elbows to look at Iwaizumi straight on. He wasn’t sure why Iwaizumi’s answer left his heart pounding in his chest and an unsettling knot forming in his stomach, wasn’t sure why he was getting so nervous all of a sudden.

“How come?”

Iwaizumi shrugged. “Dunno. Don’t really have the time for dating, I guess.” 

He turned back to his homework, which signalled the end of the conversation. Oikawa flopped back down onto the bed, burying his head into his pillow. 

_Didn’t have the time…._ That made sense, with school and volleyball and tests and university soon to come. 

As drowsy as Oikawa was, he kept mulling over Iwa’s decision. The gnawing in his gut kept him awake. If it were him, he would’ve messaged them, even if he had a lot on his plate. It would’ve been fun, and it wasn’t like there was any commitment that had to go into it, either. 

“Hey.” Iwaizumi’s voice cut through Oikawa’s thoughts. “Stop thinking about it. And if you’re tired, you should go to sleep. I’m almost done with my homework, so I’ll sleep soon, too.”

He always knew what Oikawa’s thinking about. Always, always, always. But Oikawa didn’t have it in him to be obnoxious and ignore his friend right now. He did what he said, mostly because it was second nature at this point, and dropped the topic. “Fine,” he mumbled. “Good night, Iwa-chan.”

“Good night, Oikawa.”

Shoving their previous conversation out of Oikawa’s head turned out to be an easy feat; the overbearing weight of his eyelids and the comfort of Iwaizumi’s bed were very prominent in his mind. He got under the covers without brushing his teeth, washing his hair, or changing his clothes, and fell asleep immediately. 

~ • ~

The next day, Oikawa was telling Mattsun and Makki all about his and Iwa-chan’s friendaversary at their lunch spot. They often varied where they ate because Oikawa’s gaggle of girls found their location often, and the boys liked to have a little peace and quiet every now and then. Oikawa could do as he pleased, as long as he didn’t bring them to their lunch spot and ruin their only break for the rest of them. If he sounded like he was bragging, he simply couldn’t help it; these last few days were quite the spectacle, after all. 

“Iwa-chan also managed to get all these girl’s numbers and email addresses, right, Iwa-chan?” He shot a huge, stunning grin at his best friend who only scowled and took another ginormous bite out of his sandwich. 

Their other friends let out a loud _“Woah!”_ at Oikawa’s statement. They slapped Iwa-chan on the back and and swatted at his head, their odd way of congratulating him. This only made his lips turn down even more, and Oikawa let out a giggle. 

“Of course, the amount of phone numbers can’t compare to how many _I_ got,” he boasted, pointing a finger at himself and puffing out his chest, but his friends were still focused on Iwaizumi. They poked at his cheeks and jostled his shoulders as he complained and swatted their hands away, but it was all in good humor. 

It was well known that Oikawa was a ladies’ man wherever he went, so him being popular at the beach wasn’t news for anyone. Iwaizumi, in contrast, was the complete opposite of Oikawa. For him to receive attention from girls was rather uncommon.

It wasn’t like he was ugly - he was _far_ from it. He had a nice face, after all — a nice jawline, straight nose, angled eyebrows, and pink lips — and his broad shoulders and taller-than-average height helped him stand out even more. That never-to-be-tamed, wild mess of dark brown hair played into his somewhat brutish looks. And while his taste in fashion was sometimes questionable, it was tolerable.

But he wasn’t as kind or sociable as Oikawa was, and that was what made him less approachable than his friend. Iwaizumi stood strong and stubborn, presented himself with a quiet confidence that Oikawa could never exude. While Oikawa preened with attention, Iwaizumi shied from it. He preferred to run the show from behind the scenes rather than stand in the spotlight. If Oikawa was more in touch with his feminine side, Iwaizumi definitely leaned into his masculinity. He tended to give off a “Don’t fuck with me” kind of vibe, and garnered the respect of his peers because of it. Oikawa, on the other hand, was loved and cherished for his “Please fuck with me” kind of vibe. They were two very different people, two sides of the same coin, yet they were inseparable. 

“Iwaizumi, are you going to message any of the girls?” Mattsun asked.

“Were there any that caught your eye?” Makki added on.

“No, to both of those questions,” Oikawa sighed, interjecting before Iwa-chan could say anything, “He’s too busy with _school_ and _volleyball_.” He leaned forward to prop his head up on his elbow, which rested on his knee, and pouted. Iwa-chan smacked him on the back of the head for being so melodramatic. Oikawa shot him a stinky glare and scowled. 

“It’s true,” Iwa admitted, “and I don’t think it’ll even go anywhere if I do message them. They all probably live far away, since we met them at the beach.”

“Iwa-chan, that’s _exactly_ why you should message them! There’s no commitment!” He teasingly pulled at Iwa’s collar. “C’mon, don’t you wanna have a little _fun_ before you go to uni?”

Mattsun and Makki agreed, nodding their heads furiously, as Iwa glowered at them again. He frowned so much that Oikawa worried that he’d get wrinkles before he graduated university, but he didn’t mention it in fear of getting hit again. 

“I have fun!” Iwa argued.

“Studying every night isn’t fun, darling,” Oikawa pointed out, “And hanging with your kid sister isn’t the same as going out to a party or kissing someone or —”

“Fine!” Iwa-chan huffed, cheeks pink. His shoulders raised with tension and embarrassment. “I’ll text them. Will that get you guys to shut up?”

Oikawa thought that he should’ve felt happy. He cheered with Mattsun and Makki and teased Iwa-chan about all the hot girls he was going to meet, but the knot in his stomach from Saturday was back, and it was growing. It chewed on his insides and left them twisted and mangled. Was this anxiety? Was he worried? Was he scared? He didn’t know, and he didn’t want to know either. 

Right now, he was just going to tease Iwaizumi for being popular with the rest of their friends until lunch was over. He could fret over his strange symptoms later. 

Oikawa wasn't sure what made him pressure Iwaizumi into messaging the girls from the beach; he wasn’t even going to message his own girls. He felt bad about it, of course, but there were other things to focus on and worry about, such as the girls from his own school, that fan club of his that never seemed to let him catch a breather. He liked the attention as much as any guy would, but sometimes he wished he could be alone in the courtyard or in a classroom without having to worry about getting harassed. 

He wondered if this is what it felt like to be a celebrity.

For the rest of the school day, it was impossible to focus. There was more that was bothering him other than his fan club; it would be superficial of him to get so disgruntled over things like girls liking him. There was this strange nagging ache in his chest, this feeling of bubbling anxiety, that unsettled him. And every time he thought about lunchtime and what Iwaizumi had said, the ache rose to the back of his throat and threatened to asphyxiate him. He usually only felt this way before an important volleyball match, but they still had another few weeks until their next tournament.

He wondered what was causing this. Maybe it was the leftovers he had for lunch. Or maybe he was getting sick. 

~ • ~

Volleyball wasn’t that much better. He was doing everything right, but his mind wasn’t focused. 

The team was working on spiking. These drills were as taxing, if not more, on the setters as they were on the spikers. Oikawa was usually constantly thinking, constantly analyzing, constantly watching as his teammates lept, arched their bodies back, and swung with all their might at the ball, constantly readjusting his own position, angle, and spin on the ball to take advantage of his spikers. But today was different. Today, he was simply going through the motions. Each set was just a set. A plain, old, generic set. 

Oikawa didn’t know how he usually did it, all that thinking. Today, he couldn’t find the energy to do any of it. Today, he was exhausted. 

Iwaizumi gave him a hearty pound on the back before he went up to spike during one of their drills. As Oikawa’s eyes met Iwa’s, a feeling of reassurance swept through his body. They held their gaze steady for a few seconds before Iwaizumi broke it off with a tiny nod of his head. 

Iwaizumi didn’t know what was running through Oikawa’s head or why he was feeling the way he was, but it was clear that he knew that something was off. He didn’t ask what, though. He wouldn’t ask until after practice was over. But whatever was happening, Iwaizumi made it known that he would always be there to help him through it.

Oikawa tossed the ball to his best friend. There was no thinking involved in this set; his body had done it instinctively, like there was no other way to do it. The height, the angle, the speed were all perfect for Iwa. Nine years of playing volleyball together allowed any two people to become well-acquainted with each other’s playing habits. But Oikawa and Iwaizumi weren’t just teammates; they were best friends, too. 

Iwaizumi lept straight up, the power coming from the balls of his feet, his calves, his thighs. He swung hard, throwing his whole body into the hit like always. Oikawa could see the exact point of contact between the palm of his hand and the ball itself as if it was in slow-motion. It was the clearest his mind has been all day. The ball smashed into the gymnasium floor on the other side of the net with a _smack_ that reverberated off the high ceilings. It barely landed within bounds.

“Nice line shot, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa called out as his friend jogged over to him, giving him a light fist bump before heading to the back of the line for another opportunity to spike. That single toss felt like a much-needed breath of fresh air. As the pressure in his chest lessened, Oikawa’s head began to clear. Not completely, but it was enough to help him focus more.

Practice ended up running later than usual because their practice match went on far longer than intended. Iwa and Oikawa parted ways with Mattsun and Makki outside of the gates of their school, and they were finally left alone. Oikawa knew what was coming. He knew what Iwa would say, and he didn’t have an answer. 

“Oikawa, are you feeling alright?”

“Aw, what’s this? Is Iwa-chan worried about me?” Oikawa teased, and poked at Iwaizumi’s cheek. Iwaizumi batted his hand away.

“Stop that, I’m sweaty and it’s gross. _You’re_ gross.” Oikawa pouted, and Iwa’s eyes narrowed as he side-eyed his friend. “What’s going on?” Straight to the point, as usual.

“Nothing, Iwa-chan! Why do you think something’s wrong?” 

“You were quieter today during practice. You seemed off. I don’t know how to explain it, but you definitely weren’t focused. Is everything alright?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes and bumped against Iwaizumi’s arm. “ _Yes_ , I’m fine, _Mother_. I think I ate some bad food during lunch. Don’t worry about me.” 

He felt bad, shrugging off Iwaizumi’s concerns, but what else could he say? That he himself didn’t know what he was feeling or why he was feeling this way? That the knot in his stomach was back, and it had sunk its claws into his heart? That he hadn’t been able to breathe properly for the past six hours because every time he did, his chest ached, even when his lungs were begging for more oxygen? 

Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes. He stayed silent for a few seconds, staring hard at Oikawa’s face. It made Oikawa a little nervous, and a bubble of panicked laughter tumbled out of his mouth. He couldn’t help it; he was terrified of getting caught lying. 

After the intense scrutiny, Iwaizumi didn’t call him out for lying. Instead, he turned away and grunted. Oikawa let out a quiet sigh of relief when the conversation was dropped. 

He knew that Iwaizumi didn’t believe him. He didn’t even believe _himself._ Whatever was going on with him needed to get sorted out fast, or he was at risk of putting himself in deep trouble. 

~ • ~

A week after their friendaversary, Iwa let Oikawa know that he messaged a few of the girls from the beach trip. Oikawa’s eyes widened as his jaw dropped in surprise. He didn’t think that Iwa would actually listen to him.

“And…?” Oikawa asked expectantly.

“And what?”

Oikawa tisked, patience wearing thin. “How did it go?”

Iwa’s lips turned down in a slight frown. Not out of distaste, but out of thought. “It’s going alright, I think. Although, I don’t really remember what they look like…” His frown deepened, and Oikawa smacked his arm out, annoyed and a little bit frustrated.

“That’s no good, Iwa-chan! That’s rather disrespectful to the ladies,” Oikawa huffed.

“Ow.” Iwa-chan rubbed the site where he had been hit as his eyebrows knit together. “But I suppose you’re right. Maybe we should meet in person, since I can’t remember. Plus, a connection online doesn’t determine whether you’ll have a connection in real life….”

“Iwa-chan, when did you get so considerate and smart?” Oikawa cooed and played with Iwa’s hair, fingers tangling into his black locks. 

Iwa glared at him and smacked his arm away from his head in response. “Shut up, Shittykawa.”

“Rude, Iwa-chan!”

~ • ~

Oikawa still felt strange, like he had something he wanted to get off his chest, but he didn’t know what. Every night that week, he fell asleep wondering whether Iwaizumi would go through with his plans of meeting up with these girls. 

Why was he so unsettled by it? Didn’t Oikawa do the same thing with the girls at their school? Why was it different when it was Iwaizumi? Maybe it was because these girls are so far away. Maybe it was because these girls were strangers, who were casually giving their numbers and email addresses to any cute guy they see. But, when Oikawa thought about it, wasn’t that like his own little fan club? He hardly knew them before they confessed, and oftentimes, he didn’t even know them afterwards. 

Why was this bothering him so much? They were just girls. 

He was growing restless as the days went by. Each night resulted in worse sleep than the night before, until he was getting less than four hours a night by the time Thursday arrived. Sometimes sleep came easily, but he’d get startled awake by a hair-raising dream, drenched in sweat, heart thumping, blood rushing in his ears, short of breath. Other times, he would close his eyes and lay there for hours, even when his lids weighed down by exhaustion, refusing to open, eyeballs burning. 

It was currently two in the morning, and he had been tossing and turning for at least two hours. He wondered if Iwa was awake. Maybe talking to him could help Oikawa fall asleep… that’s what he hoped at least. 

_u up?_

Not a minute went by before he got a response: **_shut up crappykawa, why are you still awake?_** And then he got another one: **_every time u text me “u up” i wonder if it’s actually meant for some secret lover of yours._**

Oikawa rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched upwards anyway. Only Iwa-chan would wonder that. 

_ur the only secret lover i have, baby boy <333 _

_i couldn’t sleep tho_

_hbu_

_why r u still awake_

He briefly wondered if he should be texting someone this late. He knew the blue light was bad for his sleep cycle, and he had to wake up bright and early tomorrow for school, too. Iwa did, too. But he assumed that if Iwa-chan was still awake, it must be fine for him to be as well. Plus, maybe they could keep each other company.

**_lost track of time. didn’t realize it was so late until now._ **

_ohh, naughty naughty, iwa-chan ~_

_what have you been doing all this time?_

_studying?_

_orrrrr have you been talking 2 someone ???? hehehehe_

He was sure it was only the former; there was no reason for Iwaizumi to be staying up this late for somebody. He didn’t have that many close friends, and he would never talk to Mattsun or Makki late at night when they’d see each other again at morning practice. The only person that Iwa-chan would stay awake for is Oikawa, because that was what best friends did for each other. 

Oikawa gnawed on his bottom lip. He was getting nervous for some reason. The tightness in his chest was all too familiar nowadays. 

_Oh,_ his aching chest. It would be the bane of his existence. 

**_a little bit of both._ **

**_why so curious?_ **

Ah. It was possible that Oikawa was wrong. 

_nothing nothing ~~_

_i didn’t know u had someone special (･ω <)☆ _

_they better not be replacing me, iwa-chan ~~~~_

Oikawa didn’t know where this kind of tone was coming from. It kind of sounded like he was… jealous? And if Oikawa didn’t know any better, maybe he would’ve said that he was. But there was nothing to be jealous of. There was no one to be jealous of. If anything, he should be _excited_ that Iwaizumi had someone that was worth staying up late for. It had been a while since Iwaizumi found himself a girlfriend. Oikawa wondered if the girl was nice, if she was pretty, how much she knew about Iwaizumi, how long they had been talking for, what her name was… 

Two minutes went by without a response. Oikawa kept checking his phone every few seconds, hoping that Iwaizumi had actually texted him back and his phone was malfunctioning and not buzzing when he received a message. But no notifications popped up. That meant no response. No answer. Maybe he said something that struck a nerve; it wouldn’t be the first time. 

Another minute passed. Still, no word from his friend. Oikawa, squinting through the bright light of the phone screen, typed out another text. 

_it was just a joke btw_

_i’m happy for u_

He sighed, clutching the phone to his chest for a moment before setting it aside to charge on his table. Despite his fatigue, his eyes were wide open, and they stared into pitch black as he kept his gaze up towards the ceiling. He hoped the dark would eat him alive. It would be better than all these sleepless nights and strange, novel feelings. 

Maybe it was time to try and go to sleep. His phone stayed silent for the rest of the time Oikawa was awake, until finally, _finally,_ his eyes slipped shut in a wave of exhaustion. 

He woke up that morning to a single text from Iwaizumi: **_thank you_** **.** The knot in his stomach and the tightening in his chest were back, but he didn’t let them stop him from getting ready in the morning and heading over to Iwa’s. 

Walking to school together had been a part of their daily routine since they were young. Oikawa typically woke up first, since he was more of a morning bird than Iwa-chan (although not by much). He would wait outside of Iwa’s house until his best friend rushed out with breakfast stuffed in his mouth, slamming the door behind him. This time, his teeth gripped around a loaf of milk bread.

“Mornin’, Shittykawa,” Iwa-chan mumbled, voice rough and groggy from sleep. It came out muffled around his food. 

“Iwa-chan, is that _milk bread?”_ Oikawa’s eyes widened. There was never a wrong time for milk bread, and now that it was in his proximity, Oikawa wanted some _now_. 

“Ah, yeah — _don’t take the one in my mouth, stupid!_ I brought some for you, too.” Iwa-chan handed him a brand new loaf, golden and soft, and Oikawa let out a gasp in delight and bit into it with glee. This was the best morning he’s had in a long time. 

“You’re the best!” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Now shut up and eat before I kick your ass.”

“For what?”

“Just ‘cause.”

Oikawa scoffed, but he wasn’t upset. He wasn’t the kind of person that refused any sort of gift, let alone his favorite food from his favorite person. They walked in silence, but it was comforting, the kind that they often fell into in the mornings.

“Iwa-chan,” he started, before he paused. He didn’t know what he was going to say. He didn’t have anything he necessarily _wanted_ to say. But his friend perked up next to him, and it was too late to go quiet again, because now he had Iwa’s full attention. His neck prickled under Iwa’s half-lidded gaze as cheeks heated up.

So, he said the first thing that came to his mouth: “Did you have fun with your cutie last night ~ ?” A huge grin plastered on his face as he tried his best to seem curious and excited, to tease Iwa-chan for staying up late to talk to a girl. But he was so, so, _so_ tired, and an ache bloomed across his chest again, and the ground was starting to move beneath his feet, and maybe this wasn’t the right thing to talk about. 

Iwaizumi huffed in annoyance, but when Oikawa turned to look at him, his cheeks were pink and he wouldn’t meet his gaze. As Oikawa stared at him, he stared straight ahead.

“We didn’t do anything, idiot.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but you guys stayed up _so_ late last night. I bet there was some serious conversation going, hmm? Maybe you guys spilled your deepest, darkest secrets… or maybe you told her about your untempered attraction to your dearest best friend, Oikawa Tooru —”

“You are the most insufferable person I have ever met,” Iwa scoffed.

Oikawa sucked in a sharp gasp as he put a delicate hand on his heart. It ached under his fingers. He acted as if he had gotten enough sleep last night or that the caffeine he had consumed that morning was taking effect, but neither of those were true, and his energy was beginning to wane. This front he was putting up was getting harder and harder to keep up. 

“You’re so mean to me. What would you do if I break up with you?” He batted his eyelashes as his lips quivered. 

“Firstly, we’re not dating so it would be impossible for you to break up with me. Secondly, I’d say, ‘Good riddance.’”

Oikawa pretended to faint, placing an arm over his eyes, as he stumbled against his friend like he had just been shot through the heart. 

“Iwa-chan, so mean!” he cried, but he couldn’t help the small yet genuine grin that fought its way into his countenance. It felt good that they were able to bicker like before.

Iwa-chan shoved him off, clicking his tongue with disapproval and grumbling something unintelligible under his breath. Oikawa laughed, high and breathy, before quieting down. The turmoil that was churning inside him had eased since the beginning of their conversation. He rested his hands behind his head, elbows up in the air, content for the time being.

After a moment, Iwa spoke up again, this time a bit quieter, “She wants to meet me. Like, go on a date or something.” 

Oikawa perked up at the sound of his voice, but his smile fell from his face like his hands to his sides as soon as those words came out of Iwaizumi’s mouth. 

“Well? What are you gonna do about it?” He attempted to sound nonchalant and curious, but it only sounded terse. He averted his gaze and clenched his teeth, embarrassed by the abrasiveness in his tone. It wasn’t supposed to come out like that. 

“I don’t know. What do you want me to do?”

Oikawa looked back at his friend. He knew what _he_ wanted his friend to do: ghost this girl, hang out with him instead, find someone better, _closer._ As selfish as it was, he wanted to keep Iwaizumi hidden from the rest of the world. He wanted to be the only one that knew what Iwaizumi looked like when he slept, when he woke up, when he laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe, when he sobbed so hard he couldn’t see. That unuttered desire scorched his insides, left a bitter taste in his mouth, and drenched him in a layer of guilt. _God_ , he sounded disgusting even to himself. 

There was no way he could tell Iwaizumi even _half_ of the things he wanted him to do. 

Speaking slowly and deliberately, he settled with, “I think it might be hard to try and commit to someone right now, especially when she lives far away and you’re always busy with… y’know, school ‘n volleyball,” _and me._ He left that last part out, but it was so loud in his thoughts that he might as well have screamed it out loud. _Stay with me._

Iwaizumi mulled over his words. Oikawa could tell by the way his brow furrowed and his lips turned down into a small frown.

“You’re right. I probably won’t meet up with her,” he finally conceded.

Oikawa let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

After that, they dropped the topic. Iwa never met up with the girl, just like Oikawa suggested, and something about that made Oikawa super happy. 

They grew even closer, somehow, until they were practically connected at the hip at all times. Oikawa latched onto Iwa-chan’s elbow, hooked his arm around his neck, tangled his fingers in his hair, and grabbed his wrist. He had no reason to give for this new development in their relationship, but Iwa-chan wasn’t put off by his clinginess, and Oikawa refused to stop. 

It was as if he was pleading for Iwaizumi to never leave him behind, like he was scared of losing sight of something important. 

Mattsun and Makki made fun of how close they were, teasing them and making gagging sounds when they did something “utterly coupley,” as Makki once put it, but were surprised when Oikawa denied in private that they were dating. 

~ • ~

Oikawa was still bothered by his feelings. He didn’t know what to do with them, because he was unsure what he was feeling. How do you stop something you can’t even understand? They were growing stronger each day since his friendaversary, making his head reel and his lungs weak. He searched things up online, typing things like, _“I feel sick when I see my best friend,”_ and _“Signs of jealousy,”_ and _“Cancer symptoms,”_ and _“My best friend makes me anxious.”_

He had determined that, yes, he was feeling jealous, but _why?_ What was there to be jealous of? More girls were in love with him than they were with Iwaizumi, so why was he upset over this one girl? He and Iwaizumi equally excelled in academics and volleyball, and there had never been any bitterness in those realms before. He’d been mulling over this for several weeks now, but he hadn’t been able to find an answer yet. 

He didn’t dare bring it up to Iwaizumi. 

He did, however, mention it to Mattsun and Makki one time during lunch, asking them for advice on how to deal with envy. Iwaizumi had gone to meet with a teacher, leaving the three of them alone at their usual lunch spot.

Mattsun and Makki exchanged a significant look, eyebrows raised and lips quirked. Out of nowhere, they simultaneously broke out in bouts of laughter. A blush made its way high onto Oikawa’s cheeks as the tips of his ears burned bright red. 

“What?” he cried out, but that only made his friends double over and laugh harder. He glared daggers into his friends’ skulls. If only those knives were real; he’d stab his friends so hard if they were.

“Dude,” Makki cried, trying to suppress his giggles and calm his breath, “you’re _so_ stupid.” He held his stomach as tears formed in his eyes. Oikawa gaped at him, half in shock at his insult and half in frustration that he wouldn’t tell Oikawa what was going on.

Mattsun was trying very hard to hold himself up with one hand, the other clutching his chest. He leaned back on his arm, so close to falling over again. He wheezed, “I can’t breathe, holy hell, you’re such an idiot!” 

Oikawa pouted and punched both of his friends hard. They were useless. Why would they call him stupid? Oikawa was very smart, thank you very much; he always got great grades, even when he didn’t study too much. He was a very talented volleyball player, and was able to read the court well. Even when he was out in public, he was very perceptive to his surroundings and atmosphere. He was smart in more ways than one! What were Mattsun and Makki talking about? 

~ • ~

Oikawa couldn’t sleep again. It was two in the morning and he had school in less than six hours, and he couldn’t fall asleep. 

It was the third night this week that he had had trouble falling asleep; it seemed to be happening more frequently, accompanied by that ever-so-present knot in his stomach. His thoughts niggled at him until they devoured him whole, trapping him in a black hole of incessant worry and self-examination. 

These last few months had been exhausting. Jealousy constantly raged inside his body, tearing up his insides and setting him alight. Every time he looked at Iwaizumi, his stomach churned. His breath caught in his throat as anxiety tickled his chest. 

He wasn’t sure why he felt this way now, after twelve years of friendship. There wasn’t anything new in Iwa’s life to be jealous of, and it wasn’t like their routine had changed; if anything, it had gotten even more mundane now that the volleyball season was coming to an end. Mattsun and Makki seemed to know more about Oikawa’s predicament than he did, yet their lips stayed shut, no matter how much Oikawa pleaded for them to tell him. They promised that he would figure it out eventually, but he wanted to know _now._

Everything seemed to start after that incident at the aquarium on their friendaversary, which meant that that must be the root of his jealousy. 

That _fucking_ incident… it kept replaying in his mind, like a broken record. The way Iwaizumi had looked at him back then still gave him butterflies later. It still made his breath catch in his throat. It still made him queasy. He had lost sleep because of that damn look, tossing and turning in his bed as he tried to figure out what Iwaizumi wanted to say to him at the jellyfish exhibit. In fact, that was exactly what he was doing right now. The more he thought about it, the more the nagging in the back of his mind told him that he should’ve done something more that day.

Like maybe, just maybe, he should’ve kissed Iwaizumi. 

And suddenly, everything clicked. Every single one of Mattsun and Makki’s actions made sense now: the looks they shared whenever Oikawa mentioned Iwaizumi out of the blue in random conversation; the not-so-subtle coughs whenever they got too close for Makki and Mattsun’s comfort; the teasing whenever Oikawa showed up in public wearing Iwa’s clothes.

He thought about these last twelve years, and how they had always been closer than most best friends were. They wore each other’s clothes, bought each other trinkets and snacks, and made each other food. They also held hands, slept on each other’s shoulders, and linked feet under the table. Whenever Oikawa got sick, Iwa invited himself over to his house, spending the day in his room despite all protests, only to catch his cold the very next day. Oikawa would drop off soup and green onions and a little bag of junk food on his doorstep in return, because Iwaizumi refused to let him into his house, even when they were both feverish. In a way, they took care of each other. 

He thought about the nights they shared beds together, from the time they were six years old to now. No matter how they fell asleep, they always woke up tangled in each other’s limbs. Oikawa always slept better when they were together. In the mornings, they would blink slowly at each other, saying nothing as their gazes flitted to lips, eyes, noses, and hair. If it was cold, Oikawa would press himself closer to his best friend and bury his face into the covers in order to hoard the warmth that was slipping through his grasp. They’d stay there, facing each other, until Iwaizumi left to brush his teeth and get changed while Oikawa dozed off again. The only time Oikawa slept through his alarm was when he was with Iwa, for he knew that his best friend would never let them be late for class. By the time Oikawa got out of the bathroom, breakfast was already prepared. Iwa always had a cup of coffee prepared for him, and it always tasted perfect. 

He thought about the times he cried, with Iwa holding his hands, his shoulders, his face, comforting him as his whole body wracked with sobs. Even though Iwa always complained at how ugly he looked, he would still clean his face up afterwards, wiping his eyes and nose with tissue after tissue. Both of them came out of Oikawa’s cry sessions covered in snot and tears and spit. Iwa never seemed bothered by it, but Oikawa always apologized anyways. 

He thought about those quiet nights, watching the clouds drift by, illuminated only by the bright moon that hung high in the sky. They had gone stargazing too many times — on the roofs of their houses, in the middle of a park on a bench, on the riverbank they always passed on their way to school — but it never grew old. In the comfort of each other’s presence, they laid their souls bare to one another, speaking about everything and anything. Here, surrounded by the cosmos, they were never scared. 

It took twelve years to figure it out.

Oikawa shot up from his bed and scrambled to get his phone from the side of his desk. Fumbling with it, he finally managed to send out a text to Mattsun and Makki. He wasn’t expecting them to respond now, since it was so late, but at least the message would be there in the morning for them to see. 

_i like iwa-chan._

It felt good getting that off his chest. A wave of relief rushed through him, leaving his lip twitching up into a small smile. The pressure that had been weighing him down these past few months eased. It was still there, but not as prevalent as before. He felt lighter, like everything might turn out okay. Maybe, just maybe, he had a chance. 

To his pleasant surprise, the reply to his text was immediate. In a few hours, he’d scold them at morning practice for being awake so late, but right now, he had never been so grateful in his life. They flooded his phone with messages, one after another, until Oikawa’s phone was a never-ending buzzer.

**_mattsun: YAAAAAAY you figured out ur feelings._ **

**_mattsun: now u guys can kiss ♡( ◡‿◡ )_ **

**_makki: we better be ur best men at ur wedding, oikawa. i will accept nothing less, only more_ **

**_makki: only thing that could beat being best man would be actually marrying u_ **

**_makki: actually jk that’s weird_ **

**_makki: iwaizumi can have u_ **

**_makki: in more ways than one hehehe_ **

_tooru: u guys are so mean uwaaaa >__< _

_tooru: but thanks for the support_

_tooru: don’t tell iwa-chan pls_

**_mattsun: duh of course we won’t_ **

**_mattsun: we’re not THAT mean_ **

**_makki: took you long enough, stupid!_ **

Yeah, it did, didn’t it?

~ • ~

A girl came up to Oikawa and asked him to give Iwa a letter. It was a simple white envelope, small but decorated with care. There was a sticker that held the envelope shut. It read, _“Big hugs and kisses!”_ Oikawa couldn’t help but make a face when he saw it, praying that the girl hadn’t noticed. 

The envelope weighed twenty pounds in his hand. It seared his skin, and Oikawa almost dropped as soon as he received it. He didn’t want to hold it. 

His emotions were conflicting, tearing him apart. On one hand, his mind fogged up, unable to process anything the girl was saying as a wave of ice crashed through his body, freezing his heart until it stopped beating altogether. On the other, jealousy intermingled with bitterness and anger to create a disgusting monster that burned his insides, winding around his ankles and wrists, tightening around his throat and chest, suffocating him until he couldn’t breathe.

It was getting harder and harder to convince himself that he was okay with just staying friends with Iwa.

Those feelings hadn’t died down by the time he arrived at their lunch spot. His fingers tingled as he suppressed the urge to tear the letter into shreds, fiddling with the letter distractedly. There were a few trash cans that he had passed on his way there, but it felt rude to toss it in there. After all, someone had been brave enough to disclose their feelings for another person. Plus, the letter wasn’t for him, anyway; he didn’t have the right to throw it out in the first place. 

“Oikawa, is that another letter for you?” Iwaizumi called out, pulling Oikawa from his thoughts and feelings.

“Ah, no, it’s actually for you.” He situated himself next to Iwaizumi, avoiding his gaze.

Mattsun and Makki whipped their heads up at the same time, staring wide-eyed at the brunette that had just arrived. Why did they look so surprised?

“Oh, really?” Iwaizumi’s head cocked to the side, looking at the envelope inquisitively. Oikawa gave it to him without saying a word. He wasn’t in the mood to tease. “You know, normally it’s the other way around. Are you sure it’s not for you?”

“Yes, she explicitly said, _‘Can you please take this to Hajime-kun for me? I’m too shy to give it to him myself, kyaa ~ !!’”_ Oikawa huffed. He could feel himself getting irritated. Heat pricked down his neck and ears, and it made him uncomfortable. He avoided Iwaizumi’s gaze, instead focusing on dropping his backpack down and taking out his lunch.

Iwaizumi went silent, turning the letter over in his hands. He was still staring at Oikawa; the latter could feel his eyes pricking his skin. It made him uncomfortable, truth be told. 

“Oi, quit looking at me,” Oikawa grumbled, but there was no heat nor anger behind the action. “Why don’t you read your letter instead? 

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. “Okay, then,” he said slowly, and did exactly that. 

Oikawa was doing a terrible job at pretending to be nonchalant about the whole situation. He couldn’t help but glower at Mattsun and Makki when they gave him a pointed look. It was a good thing they looked away quickly, because Oikawa might have throttled them if they hadn’t. He masked his crabbiness with a stony expression and took a deep breath in and out. It relaxed his tense shoulders and relieved some of the pressure building in his chest, but not enough for him to feel at ease. 

By that point, it was clear that he had no intention in being social. Mattsun and Makki chatted amongst themselves, keeping each other entertained while Oikawa radiated an unpleasant aura next to them. Their words and soft chuckles faded into the background, overpowered by Oikawa’s own mind, empty of everything but the confession letter. 

He remained mute for the rest of break. As he ate his lunch and fiddled with his jacket and played with his fingers, his eyes stayed glued to the paper in his friend’s hands. Iwaizumi must’ve known what he was doing, because he angled the letter to make it easier for Oikawa to read. Neither of them said anything, but they didn’t have to to understand what the other was feeling.

It was a pretty standard confession letter. They were in the same grade, but a different class. That made sense, because Oikawa had recognized her face when she gave him the letter, but not her name. She said that she had seen Iwa play volleyball and thought he was super talented. She wanted to get to know him better, signing it with her name and her phone number, just in case. 

_Just in case._

The girl was cute, Oikawa admitted. She seemed like someone that would be Iwaizumi’s type: long, brown hair that cascaded down her back in soft waves, large doe eyes, pink lips, and quite a few centimeters shorter than him. Something about that sent waves of dread down Oikawa’s spine. 

“Well? What do you think?” Iwaizumi asked Oikawa, looking at him expectantly. Oikawa was still staring at the letter. He was overwhelmed by his racing thoughts. Mattsun and Makki’s conversation died down to tune into theirs. There was a curious glint in their eyes as they watched the two in front of them. 

Oikawa didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t know how to act. 

In a moment of sheer panic, he did what he always did when confronted with an awful and uncomfortable situation: plastered on a huge smile, tried his best to sound enthusiastic, and be kind. 

“Iwa-chan, there’s a girl that thinks you’re cuter than me, and you’re asking what _I_ think?”

“Well, yeah, you’re my best friend. I want to know your opinion.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes and brushed through his hair with a free hand. He was trying his best to act casual. It seemed like he had been _trying_ to do a lot of things recently.

“Iwa-chan, you can do whatever you like. The decision is up to you to make. I may be your best friend, but your life doesn’t center around me, dummy.” 

He poked at Iwa’s head, a sharp prod that knocked him off balance for a second. Iwaizumi looked back down at the letter, eyes boring holes into it. He seemed conflicted, or maybe he was just thinking really hard. 

It was only a letter. Only a confession. Only a girl. It was only a lot of things, but each one led to something more. Only a girl would lead to only a date. Only a date would lead to only a kiss. Only a kiss would lead to only a girlfriend. Only a girlfriend would lead to… well, Oikawa didn’t want to think about that.

He piped up again, words tumbling out before he could catch them, “By the way, she’s super cute. She’s totally your type, Iwa-chan.” 

As soon as he said it, he wanted to punch himself in the face, and his smile twisted into something ugly until it disappeared completely. _Why_ did he say that, why, why _why?_ What was wrong with him? God, he didn’t want to say that. He didn’t mean to say that. He wished he could reverse time so he could stop himself from blurting out stupid things.

The knot in his stomach was back, oh it was _so_ back, and his chest tightened up so incredibly fast that it felt like the wind was knocked right out of him.

He glanced at the friends across from them, eyes darting for help. They were staring at him like he had antennae for eyes, jaw dropping to the floor. Oikawa wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He wanted to run, to bury himself under the covers of his own bed, to kick himself in the shin, to scream.

Shit, he had fucked himself over. 

Iwa was the first one to break the silence. “Mattsun, Makki, you’re staring weirdly,” he said.

Immediately, the duo stammered for excuses. Eyes huge and cheeks pink, looking like a deer caught in headlights. They snapped out of their strange trance as words spewed out of their mouths. 

“Oh, sorry I didn’t realize —”

“We were only —”

“We were —”

“Oikawa had a —”

“There was a, uh…”

“He was looking —”

“Ugly!”

“He was looking uglier than usual today,” Makki finally stammered out. Mattsun nodded fiercely, as if that was what he was trying to say all along. Iwa’s eyes narrowed while Oikawa’s widened. 

“I look beautiful, as always!” Oikawa complained, voice shrill and obnoxious. He crossed his arms over his chest, tossing his hair and thrusting his chin up with contempt. Just like that, it was as if his previous mood had never existed at all. He was able to stamp down his feelings successfully this time. “You guys are just as mean as Iwa-chan! I can’t believe you guys are conspiring against me like this.”

When Oikawa peeked down, Mattsun and Makki were sharing a look. Their eyebrows turned up as their lips tilted down with worry. 

Right before Oikawa was about to speak, Iwa suddenly exclaimed, “Fuck! Shit, I gotta go see a teacher.” He packed his lunch hastily and shoved things into his backpack as he scrambled to leave. He uttered a few more curses under his breath before he rushed off, calling something out that sounded like an apology. There were only a few minutes left of lunch; he needed to be quick if he were to make it.

Once he left, all attention was diverted to Oikawa. His shoulders rose up as he found himself subjected to Makki and Mattsun’s interrogation. He had a sneaking suspicion of what they were going to say to him.

“Anyways…” Makki slid his gaze from Iwaizumi’s empty spot to Oikawa. He smirked. “What’s up between you and Iwaizumi?” 

Oikawa furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“You were acting all… _weird_ just now,” Makki pointed out. 

Mattsun grunted in agreement, nodding his head furiously. “Yeah, you seemed a little put off by the fact Iwaizumi got a letter,” he added. 

Oikawa huffed and averted his gaze. If he told them that there was nothing to be concerned about, he knew they wouldn’t believe him. He was getting too obvious nowadays; he used to be able to hide his feelings better than this. 

They were just looking out for him, like any good friends would do, but this was something he didn’t know how to share. He had told them about his jealousy over the boy and his feelings for him, but this was different. How could he tell them that he could barely breathe, reading that letter, as his fingers went numb and the ache in his stomach and chest grew tenfold? He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. They would think he was a horrible person if he told them. These weren’t normal crush feelings; Oikawa had never felt anything like them, not once, in his seventeen years’ of living.

“It was nothing,” he lied, “Just the girl was cute. I was sad she went after him instead of me.”

Makki narrowed his eyes as Mattsun scoffed. Neither of them pressed further, but it was clear that they weren’t convinced. Oikawa was fine with that; it meant he could avoid the topic for at least another day, and that was a win in his book. He hastily changed the subject onto volleyball, chattering about something he had seen on the TV the night before that he wanted to try during practice later. The others joined the conversation reluctantly, as if they were only there to serve as a distraction from Iwaizumi. 

~ • ~

Practice had just ended, and Oikawa and Iwa were on their way home. Oikawa hummed to himself, thinking about his evening plans. There were so many tests he had to study for; all of his teachers had decided to give an exam within the next week or so. There was a men’s volleyball match happening on TV later that night, and if he finished his work early, he could watch. He also still needed to make dinner for himself and shower… ah, shit, there was so much to do and so little time. 

“Hey, um… I think I’m going to respond to Yaki-san,” Iwaizumi said, pulling Oikawa out of his thoughts. 

“Oh the girl?” Ah, that feeling was back again. It never seemed to fully go away, these days, an ebb and flow of misery and anxiety. 

Oikawa looked up instead of at his friend. Purple and pink streaked through the sky as light wisps of clouds drifted by. He wished that every walk home was like this, under a watercolor-painted sky as the sun cast long shadows. 

Iwaizumi only grunted his affirmation, and Oikawa stayed silent. He was torn between cheering on his best friend and wanting to keep Iwaizumi to himself. If he were a good friend, he’d encourage him to accept her confession and go on a date with the girl.

It wasn’t like Iwaizumi never had girlfriends before, and there were plenty of girls that would’ve loved to have the chance to be with him; few made the cut. His longest relationship was two months, but that was early in high school. That one fell through for similar reasons that Oikawa’s always did: Iwa had spent too much time on his studies and volleyball, and whenever he was free, he was with his best friend instead of his girlfriend. Neither of them had ever had a long-lasting, committed relationship. Oikawa didn’t know if Iwaizumi even wanted one; he had never asked. 

Finally, Oikawa spoke, “What’re you gonna tell her? Is my Iwa-chan finally going to become a man now ~ ?” He gave a toothy grin, even though he wasn’t in the mood to tease. His voice seemed to fall flat, despite all attempts in keeping it light. He nudged his friend playfully and hoped that Iwaizumi hadn’t caught on to his unusual behavior.

Iwaizumi studied him for a little bit, eyes squinting as he frowned. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and slowly replied with, “I’ll let her know that I can’t reciprocate her feelings.”

“Aw, Iwa-chan, how mean! You should give her a chance.” Oikawa would do anything to stop himself from uttering another word. 

“I don’t really know her that well; I can only take your word for what she looks like.”

“Yeah, but Makki said she was really nice. She’s in his class, y’know.” He had the sudden urge to punch something. Maybe his best friend, maybe himself, maybe the girl.

“... Yeah.” 

They fell silent once again. Oikawa got this feeling like he was going to pass out from the tightness in his chest. Pressure was building up behind his sinuses. What a perfect time to get a headache.

“Oikawa —” Iwaizumi cut himself off. Oikawa turned to look at his friend, the first time he had done so since their conversation began. He didn’t like the crease between Iwaizumi’s downturned eyebrows, or the way that Iwaizumi’s eyes wouldn’t meet his, or the stiffness in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. He didn’t like that Iwaizumi was so conflicted over this decision.

“Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi still didn’t look up. “If you don’t want to go out with her, you don’t have to.” Oikawa paused for a moment. Iwa remained tight-lipped. 

Gently, Oikawa asked, “What’s got you so upset?” He reached out to touch his friend’s shoulder. 

“… Oikawa, why have you been acting so strange recently?”

 _Shit_. 

“Eh?” Oikawa stiffened. His feet stopped moving without his accord, and because he was still holding onto Iwa’s shoulder, he had halted in his tracks as well. 

Of course Iwaizumi was going to realize that he was being weird. He knew everything about Oikawa. They had been friends for so long; there was no way that he wouldn’t have. Hiding anything from him was futile; he always found out in the end. Whether Oikawa wanted him to know or not, Iwaizumi always managed to weasel information out of him if he wanted it. Like now.

“Oikawa?”

He unfroze. His brain was working cut time. All the cogs in his head were churning at 120% as he improvised a response. But the way his lips opened and turned up, the weight of his tongue inside his mouth, the movement of his jaw as he formed words felt so unfamiliar, and he found it hard to speak. Was this even his own body?

Finally, “Iwa-chan, I haven’t been acting strange at all!” He mustered an award-winning smile without thinking. It was all flashy, all teeth, and made his eyes squint as well. It was so _disgustingly_ fake. “You’re the one being all weird, y’know. Are you sick, Iwa-chan?” 

He put the back of his hand on Iwaizumi’s forehead to measure his temperature. It was cool to the touch, slightly sticky from the dried sweat from practice earlier. Oikawa’s own hand was burning hot. “Maybe you’re just letting all this attention from girls get to your head,” he teased.

Iwaizumi scowled. Oikawa knew that he was caught; his bluffs never worked around him. Iwaizumi moved his hand off from his forehead, but caught his wrist before it could fall to his side. He held it gently, like he was giving Oikawa the option to pull his hand away if he wanted to. But he would never do anything like that. He never wanted anything more than to hold Iwaizumi’s hand. 

He kept his head down and let Iwa lead the way, pulling him along. The moment was over. His facade was crumbling. Neither of them looked at each other for the rest of their walk.

Iwaizumi’s hand was fire. It burned Oikawa’s skin. He wanted to shy away from it, to run away from everything he was feeling and fearing. He was a coward. How pitiful. 

That hand on his wrist was a reminder that Iwaizumi was his pillar of strength, a shoulder to lean on when life got tough, the anchor that kept him grounded and the buoy that kept him afloat. When they were five years old, they had promised that they would be each other’s everything. Twelve years later, that still held true for Oikawa. He wondered if that was still the case with Iwaizumi. 

Maybe this was more than just a crush. Maybe Oikawa was falling in love. Maybe he was already in love. Maybe he had been in love since the first night they spent together, six years old, whispering nonsense to each other like only little kids could do.

Recently, these were all scary thoughts to have. 

Iwaizumi’s touch never used to fail to bring waves of comfort, but nowadays, all it seemed to bring was torrents of heartache. It was a dagger that pierced his chest, taunting him with something he could never have. Because Iwaizumi would never love him the way Oikawa did. While that hand on his wrist only signified friendship, he wanted it to be more. He craved for _more_ , but it was the one thing Iwaizumi would never be able to give him. 

And for the first time in his life, Oikawa begged for Iwaizumi to let go. _Please, just let me go._

~ • ~

Iwaizumi rejected Yaki-san, like he said he would. Oikawa couldn’t find it in him to pout at the fact that Iwa might’ve just lost his future wife. To be honest, he was relieved, delighted, elated, over the moon about it, because it meant that he could spend more time with Iwaizumi. 

He lifted his head up from his lunch to look at Iwaizumi, eyebrows slightly raised, and said, “Okay.”

That response surprised Iwa. He scooched over to his friend, bringing his face closer as his eyes darted around, like he was trying to uncover some mystery whose answers could only be revealed on Oikawa’s face. He stared and stared and stared, until Oikawa’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment and heat prickled his neck and burned his ears.

“Iwa-chan, what are you doing?”

“Are you sick? Are you tired? Have you been sleeping enough? Have you been eating enough? Are you overworking yourself again? Are you stressed out? Did you do poorly on your tests? What are you thinking about? Are you okay?”

Oikawa pushed him away by his shoulders, grumbling about personal space, but Iwa was still staring at him with that fixed look that meant that he wasn’t leaving until he got a solid answer. He was stubborn when he was determined. Usually, Oikawa appreciated it, but now, at that moment, he wanted Iwaizumi to drop the topic.

“I just haven’t been sleeping well recently,” Oikawa admitted, glancing at his fingers. 

It wasn’t necessarily wrong, but it wasn’t the whole story. He couldn’t tell Iwaizumi about the tightness in his chest and how sometimes it got hard to breathe and the acid that threatened to burn his throat if he didn’t swallow it down quickly enough and how it was like he was missing a part of him when they were separated for more than a few days and that he felt sick, so unbearably sick, when he thought of Iwaizumi leaving him for someone else. 

He couldn’t say a lot of things, although it was doubtful his words would’ve come out even if he tried.

Iwaizumi continued to stare at him. Oikawa was sweating nervously. His hands were clammy and his heart was beating hard; he wondered if Iwaizumi could tell. He wondered if he could tell that it was more than just a lack of sleep that was bringing him down.

But Iwa took his word for it. He finally ripped his gaze off of Oikawa, who let out an audible sigh of relief. Tension he didn’t know he was even holding drained out of his shoulders.

Picking at his own packed lunch, Iwa grumbled, “Don’t let it affect practice. Interhigh is next week; we need you at your best.” He paused. “And if you ever need anything, you can call me, no matter how late it is at night.” Oikawa mustered a smile. For Iwaizumi, he would keep on his mask. 

“You’d be such an incredible boyfriend, y’know,” he mused, pressing his cheeks into his palms as he pretended to swoon. He leaned forward a little into Iwa-chan’s space and fluttered his eyelashes. _“Kyaa, Iwa-chan, let’s fall asleep on the phone together ~ !”_

Iwa’s hand shot out and gripped Oikawa by the hair, pulling him out of his personal space and back into his seat as Oikawa cried out in pain. He moved himself further from the brunette so there was no way of Oikawa getting in his way again for the rest of lunch. 

“You’re so annoying, Crappy-kawa,” Iwa growled. 

“Ouch! What did I do this time?” Oikawa whined, “I was only saying the truth!”

“Your truth sucks.”

~ • ~

By the time Oikawa finished his homework, it was later than expected — past midnight, according to his clock — but it was a beautiful night, and he wanted to go outside. 

He reached for his phone, stretching his back as he did so. His thumbs darted across the screen to send a quick message to Iwa. If he asked Iwa to come along, he would probably complain a little bit, and try to make up some weak excuse as always. But in the end, he always said yes. 

_iwa-chan, r u up?_

**_probably shouldn’t be, but yes_**.

_come outside with me? <3 <3 <3 _

**_it’s late._ **

_are u tired?_

**_not necessarily._ **

_let’s go then_

**_…………_ **

**_fine._ **

**_give me a min i’ll meet u outside_ **

_yay <3 _

Sneaking out of the house was never an issue for Oikawa. He didn’t do it often, but he knew well enough which step to avoid when going down the stairs and which door squeaked less when they opened. He slipped out with ease and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets when a burst of cold air hit him. Iwa’s house was only a couple doors down from his; that was a perk of becoming best friends with his neighbors.

Going outside late at night in the middle of winter probably wasn’t the best idea, but the stars looked pretty and the moon was beaming down at him, glowing and radiant. He hadn’t bothered to bring a scarf with him, although he kind of regretted it now that the brisk air was nipping his cheeks. His breath puffed out in little clouds of steam, visible because of the streetlights that dyed the streets orange. It wasn’t actually that bad for a winter night; it could’ve been a lot colder than it actually was. There was no snow yet, but Oikawa was still optimistic for at least a few inches of it; just enough to close down the school for a day due to inclementing weather. 

He looked up again. The sky was magnificent. 

“Yo,” Iwaizumi called out. He pulled Oikawa out of his daze.

“Hello!” Oikawa gave him a wave before shoving his hand back into the warmths of his pocket.

“It’s cold, what the hell are we doing outside right now?” 

Oikawa enviously eyed the scarf Iwa had brought with him. He must’ve been caught in the act, because Iwa-chan promptly pulled out another one, long and grey, and handed it to him. 

“Here, by the way. I figured you wouldn’t have brought your own.”

“... Thanks,” Oikawa mumbled. It was soft. He wrapped the scarf around his neck.

“Where did you say we were going again?” Iwa-chan glanced around, shoulders raised up to his ears as he shoved his hands into his pockets. Like Oikawa, he was also trying to keep himself warm. 

“Oh, maybe the park or something. I just wanted to see the stars.”

“Ah, that’s fine by me. Let’s not stay too long, or you’re gonna get sick.” Iwa had already started walking, leaving Oikawa behind to catch up to him.

“Why d’you say that like I’m the only one that would catch a cold?” Oikawa huffed once he was by Iwa’s side. 

“That’s because you’ve got the shittiest immune system in existence.”

“Would you take care of me if I got sick?” Oikawa batted his eyelashes and leaned towards Iwa-chan, sidling up to rest his head against his shoulder, until a hand smushed against his face and pushed him away. Oikawa whined his discontent, which rewarded him a rough shove. 

“No. I’d pray to the gods that you’d die so I’d finally be alone.”

“You’re so mean to me all the time. Does that bring you joy?” He trailed behind to kick at Iwa’s heels like the petty human he was. 

“Immense joy,” Iwa snarked back. “It’s because you’re annoying.” 

“I’m not annoying; I’m cute!”

“Maybe to a bat.”

“They’re _blind!"_ Oikawa exclaimed, affronted.

“Exactly.”

They bickered for the rest of the walk to the park until they headed towards a wooden bench, but it was good natured, like usual. Oikawa eventually got used to the cold, body warm and cozy. He felt more awake than he should have, given the time, but it didn’t bother him a single bit. 

It was only natural for them to sit right next to each other, bodies flush from knees to shoulders to keep body heat from leaking into their surroundings. They didn’t bother to speak once they settled down, and a comforting hush enveloped the pair. 

Everything seemed still, surreal, and serene, illuminated only by the moonlight and the streetlamp nearby. Sometimes, the quiet gets lonely, and, because they were surrounded by darkness, it should’ve been scary. But with Iwaizumi by his side, he felt invincible. It was the two of them against the whole world.

Iwa tipped his head back to stare at the mixture of dark purples and blues in the sky. He let out a long breath, and Oikawa watched it drift away like a cloud. 

Iwaizumi’s face was a muddle of shadows and highlights in the dim setting. The light from the lamp made him glow, highlighting his cheekbones and his lips and tip of his nose. From where Oikawa was sitting, he could make out the curve of Iwa’s eyelashes, which were longer than he had expected; and he could smell his deodorant or cologne or body wash or whatever it was that he had used, and it smelled nice; and he could see his adam’s apple, shyly hidden behind his scarf. 

He had the urge to _touch_ , to run his hands through Iwa’s hair and over his thighs and across his chest, to hold his face in his hands and caress his jaw and stroke his cheeks with his thumb, to kiss him slowly and gently until they were dizzy and out of breath.

Oikawa had wanted to go outside to see the sky, but he didn’t realize there was something even more beautiful right next to him. However, now that he knew, he couldn't tear his gaze away, even when his chest exploded into butterflies. 

~ • ~

By February, both Oikawa and Iwaizumi had decided where they were going to university. With Iwa studying sports science and Oikawa pursuing volleyball, Oikawa wasn’t surprised that they were going to different universities, but he was still disappointed. He wondered if it was for their own good. If they had followed each other to the same school, they were bound to be discontent with the path they chose. Maybe it was time for them to separate. That thought sent arrows through his chest. 

He wasn’t ready to let go. 

Post-high school plans were rarely discussed, because every time they did, they ended up blowing up at each other out of frustration and hurt. It was always something nonsensical and petty, but it also meant the universe to them. They wouldn’t talk to each other for a few days. It always took a while before one of them stopped with the cold shoulder and begrudgingly let the other person back in. 

Iwaizumi had promised him that nothing would change, that they’d still be best friends, and that they could even live together in the big city of Tokyo. But Oikawa still wasn’t satisfied. He knew he was being selfish, but that didn’t stop him from getting so upset when Iwaizumi seemed _fine_ , for the most part. Oikawa was being brattish, but at least he cared. 

Since he was five years old, all he knew was volleyball and Iwaizumi Hajime. For the first time since they met, they were going their separate ways. 

Oikawa should be excited for him and Iwaizumi. They were both studying in Tokyo, the shining capital of Japan. They had promising futures and scholarship money and a brand new, exciting life. But even so, Oikawa couldn’t feel a little bitter about it all. 

Tokyo is _huge_. Even though they’d be in the same city, their lives would be completely different. They would know different people and have different schedules. For twelve years, they had always been a part of each other’s day; no matter where one went, the other would follow. They knew everything about each other, but once they started university, that could change. 

What if they got too busy to see each other, unable to even reach for their phones to send out a quick text to each other? What if Iwaizumi found friends he liked more than Oikawa, people that made him laugh harder and smile wider and happier? What if they stopped speaking altogether, leaving Oikawa lonely in this big world? What if Iwaizumi fell in love, with someone that wasn’t _him?_

Not only was his relationship with Iwaizumi going to change, but his relationship with volleyball would, as well. That was because, for as long as he had been playing, he had done so with his best friend. But now that they weren’t going to the same school, it would be _different_. It would be a different team, different setting, different coach… He had gone through these changes countless times, but always with Iwaizumi by his side. Now, he had to do it alone. 

While Oikawa was going to college purely for the sport, Iwa hadn’t decided whether he wanted to continue playing yet. He worried that he wouldn’t be able to balance his workload with volleyball, which was understandable. Sports, while they meant a lot, were not his priority. Even if he did play, they would be on different teams, on opposite sides of the net. He wondered what his last set to his best friend would be like. Hopefully, it would be perfect. 

And, because Iwaizumi was focusing on sports science, it was possible that the next time they met on the court, it would be as trainer and player rather than as two players. Oikawa didn’t know which he preferred and which he resented more. 

These thoughts were simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating. 

He didn’t know when he got so afraid of change. Or, perhaps he was afraid that Iwaizumi would leave him stranded in the dust, breathless and on his knees, as Oikawa’s hand reached out to someone who kept moving forward without ever turning around, heading towards the sun as his silhouette cast shadows on the pitiful man. 

~ • ~

Oikawa was naturally gifted. He did well in school, acing every test with flying colors, even if he hadn’t studied all that much the night before. He did well on the court, analyzing and reading every player with terrifying accuracy, whether it be on his side or the opponents’. 

Perceptiveness has always been his forte. He was strong and a talented volleyball player, although that came from hard work and perseverance rather than innate abilities. Even if he exhausted himself in the process, he was determined to come out on top. The title of best setter in the prefecture didn’t go to just anyone, after all. 

Not only was he smart and intuitive, he also could charm anyone off their feet. It didn’t matter how he felt that day, or whether it be teachers, girls, or parents; everyone fell for Oikawa. He was beautiful, and his silky words and bright smile dazzled everyone that stumbled into their path. People saw him as an angel, although Iwaizumi knew better; he liked to call Oikawa a devil sent from Satan himself. 

Oikawa could get anything he wanted. Well, almost anything. Iwaizumi was the only thing that slipped through his fingers.

~ • ~

After their crushing defeat against Karasuno High School in the Spring Interhigh Qualifiers, Seijoh wasn’t going to nationals this year. In all three years of high school, never had they once made it to nationals. The fact that he would never go to Tokyo with his team stung. One glance at Iwaizumi, and he knew that they were feeling the same pain. 

And with that, Oikawa’s high school volleyball career was over. There were no more practices to look forward to going to, no team to lead, no underclassmen to take under his wing. The only place Oikawa went after school was his home or Iwa’s. 

Life was too quiet without volleyball. 

Their third year was going to end soon, as well. They only had a few months left before they graduated. It was a bit bittersweet, if he was honest. He didn’t think high school was going to end like this: never making it to nationals and being completely, utterly in love with his best friend.

From now until March, the only person he wanted by his side was Iwa-chan, just like how it had always been. And then after that… well, Oikawa didn’t want to think about that yet. 

Truth be told, Oikawa’s confession didn’t go as planned. It wasn’t supposed to happen after the annual volleyball party, which was always Oikawa’s most looked forward to event of the year. He wasn’t supposed to be using Iwa-chan as a crutch, stumbling down the sidewalk late at night, and he _definitely_ wasn’t supposed to be drunk. 

But all of that was forgotten when the words tumbled out of his mouth, sloppy and slurred, quick and quiet.

The party had happened at Yahaba’s house; it was the only house empty that weekend, parents gone for the weekend on a holiday trip, and he seemed more than willing to welcome them all in. His light brown hair was unkempt and he was wearing sweats when he opened the door for Iwa and Oikawa. 

Yahaba had always been a good kid, and Oikawa liked him well enough. He would become next year’s starting setter, which was a huge position to fill, but Oikawa had faith in him. He had trained his underclassman well, and Yahaba’s sets were always pretty accurate. Still, he had miles to go before he was on Oikawa’s level.

A group of twenty or so boys had crammed together in his small living room. It was a bit cramped, but they made it work. Some stood, some sat, while others sat on the edge of the table and on the arms and back of the couch. After months of playing volleyball together, they were more of a family than a team at that point. 

It was possible that they were creating a ruckus for his pleasant neighborhood. They hollered at every joke, no matter how bad it was. People were calling over each other, voices raised in order to outcompete their neighbors’, who were also engrossed in conversation. 

Beer and sake flowed as easily as water did from the tap, everlasting and abundant, and it was passed around the team like ambrosia, food of the Greek gods. It only made the atmosphere merrier. 

Oikawa had situated himself between Iwa’s thighs, back to his chest, a bottle of beer in his hand. Iwa-chan had his own bottle, but he was taking his time with it. By the time he had finished his first one, Oikawa was three in. By the time Iwa-chan had downed his second, Oikawa was properly — and delightfully — wasted.

He had always been a goofy drunk. A bit of a sloppy drunk, perhaps. He was clumsy, ran his mouth, touchy, and loud. So it was no surprise to his teammates when he slung an arm around Iwa’s shoulders and tangled his fingers through that messy, black hair. And it was no surprise when he asked Iwa-chan to cuddle, who obliged with no complaint, wrapping his arms around Oikawa’s torso and pulling him flush against his chest. He hooked his chin over the brunette’s shoulder as he knocked back another huge gulp of beer and kept chatting with Kyoutani, a blond second-year wing spiker. 

Despite his joy at being held, Oikawa couldn’t help but want more. But if this was all Iwaizumi wanted to give him, drunken cuddles in the middle of someone else’s living room, then he would greedily take it all. He was more than willing to drink his sorrows away in the privacy of his bedroom in order to pretend he was okay with just this. 

In spite of everything, the butterflies in his stomach had calmed down. His nerves, which had been frayed for so long, were able to catch a break. He didn’t know if it was because of his proximity with Iwa or the booze running through his blood or both. 

They stayed like that for the rest of the party, separating only to use the bathroom or get more alcohol to feed their system. Even when they were having different conversations, they refused to part. 

Mattsun and Makki led the teasing as the rest of the team followed. They crooned about how cute their “parents” were when Iwa-chan opened Oikawa’s bottle for him and urged the pair to get a room after Oikawa kept feeding chips to Iwa-chan. The pair ignored it all, for they had dealt with it for so long that it didn’t seem to phase them anymore. 

But deep inside, Oikawa was buzzing with the possibility that maybe, _maybe,_ this meant that he had a chance. 

And maybe it was the afterparty high from the music that thudded through their bones and the stifling heat from too many bodies stuffed into a single room and the pure joy that came only from being around his favorite people and the ache in his cheeks from laughing and smiling too much and the sweet comfort of Iwaizumi who never seemed to leave his side. Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through his veins, fucking up his rationality and loosening him up. 

At that moment, when Oikawa let out those three words that he had bottled up inside him, he wasn’t afraid. He had said it with a kind of confidence that could’ve only been the result of hours of careful consideration. This wasn’t how he intended to say it, but once it was out in the air, the turmoil that had been raging in his stomach and chest for these past few months finally eased. 

Even in his drunken stupor, he knew that it felt _right_. 

Iwaizumi was silent for a long time, but he didn’t let go of Oikawa. Instead he gripped him tighter, until it bordered on the edge of being painful. He let out a loud exhale through his nose and tilted his head up towards the sky. 

It was a clear night, no clouds in sight. Oikawa didn’t have to look up to know that the stars were gleaming, bright and plentiful. Tonight, they were cheering him on. 

Oikawa stayed quiet as well. There was nothing he wanted to say. His fate was up to Iwaizumi now, his heart in Iwa’s hands. His life could end here, if that was what Iwaizumi wanted, and Oikawa was sure the only thing he’d be able to muster out is, _“Thank you.”_

Finally, Iwaizumi spoke. “Oikawa, you’re drunk.” He sounded exhausted, but Oikawa paid no mind to this. 

“Drunk words are a sober man’s thoughts,” he mused.

“Tooru…” Iwaizumi let out another sigh. “Let’s go home first. We’ll talk about this later.”

“Okay ~”

They didn’t speak for the rest of the walk back. Instead of parting like they usually did once they got to Oikawa’s house, Iwaizumi asked if Oikawa wanted to come over to his instead. He made up an excuse, something about being hungover in the morning, but Oikawa had tuned it out. He was too elated by the offer to focus on anything but.

“Iwa-chan’s always taking care of me, even when he’s drunk himself, hmm ~ ?” Oikawa cooed, and nuzzled Iwaizumi’s shoulder. He couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face. 

“You’re stupid. And a shitty person. And ugly.”

“Mean!”

But even so, Iwaizumi didn’t rescind his proposal, and let Oikawa grip his arm for a little longer. It was okay that he didn’t get an immediate response, because at least Iwa-chan was still being nice to him. He supposed that that was fine for now. 

“My parents are asleep, so don’t be too much of a nuisance,” Iwaizumi warned. He guided the two of them to his front porch and fumbled for his keys, trying to dig them out of his pockets and find the right one to unlock his door with one hand.

“Iwa-chan, somehow I think you’re meaner when you’re drunk.”

“You _just_ noticed?”

Oikawa huffed, but didn’t say anything else, as Iwa was swinging the door open. They took their shoes off and shuffled upstairs, trying their best to not make any noise and wake Iwa’s parents up. It would be hard to explain why they were acting like this, Iwa’s arms around Oikawa’s shoulder as his own settled around Iwa’s back, bodies flush side-by-side, without mentioning that they were drunk. 

Once they stumbled into his room, Iwa guided them both down onto his bed, too drunk and tired to pull out the futon for Oikawa to sleep on. They didn’t bother to change or brush their teeth; they simply crawled under the covers like it was any normal night. 

Oikawa didn’t want to think about what might happen next. The next morning would determine the rest of their relationship. He would either get his heart broken or be the happiest man in the world. He supposed he should’ve been prepared for this, but to be fair, he didn’t mean to confess earlier that day. 

He moved closer to Iwa-chan until he was face-to-face with the boy. He had shut his eyes, already dozing off, while Oikawa’s were wide open. Under the light of the full moon that spilled into the room, it was easy to make out Iwa’s features: all the curves and edges in his face, his eyelashes against his cheek, the slope of his nose, his parted lips… Iwaizumi was ethereal in this setting. 

“I love you,” Oikawa breathed. “I always have. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”

“Tooru, go to sleep. Your breath reeks of booze,” Iwaizumi mumbled. He peeked out from under his lashes to look pointedly at his friend. 

Oikawa thought Iwa looked even more beautiful when he was like this, eyes heavy from drowsiness, gaze gentle rather than the usual piercing. Iwa set a hand on Oikawa’s head, fingertips skimming the top of his scalp as they carded through his thick hair. They fell into a lull; the only sounds audible were their breathing. 

A moment later, Oikawa asked, “Hey, Iwa-chan, you’re still my best friend right?” 

“I’ve put up with you for twelve years, and I intend to for the next eternity,” Iwa mumbled, voice gruff and groggy. “Now shut up, and go to sleep.” 

The weariness in Iwa’s voice indicated that this was the end of their conversation until morning. Oikawa shut his eyes one more time, content with Iwa’s answer. 

At the end of the day, feelings aside, they were the two that knew each other best. Oikawa’s unrequited feelings were only another puzzle they would solve together. They would get through this, like they had done with everything else. Even if his feelings weren’t reciprocated, even if his heart shattered like shards of glass, Oikawa supposed he could be alright, knowing that Iwaizumi would still be his best friend. He’d be able to pick up the pieces and mend his delicate heart. He’d been doing it for the last few months, he could do it again and again for however long it took for these feelings to fade into nothing. Anything for Iwa-chan. 

Like everything else about him, the steady rise and fall of Iwa’s chest was comforting. He had fallen asleep above him, fingers still entangled in the brunette’s locks. Oikawa revelled in the contact and buried his head into the crook of the other boy’s neck, moving closer to press into the solid body next to him. Iwa responded by tightening his grip on him. 

Oikawa liked Iwaizumi like this. He liked _them_ like this. He never wanted it to end. 

Exhaustion overcame him, and, with Iwaizumi on his mind, he fell asleep.

~ • ~

That morning, he _did_ have a hangover, just like Iwa had anticipated. It wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, but that still didn’t mean it was pleasant in any sort of way. 

The room was too bright. Oikawa blocked out the sun by placing his forearm on his eyes and cursed Iwa-chan and his lack of curtains. His head was pounding. His whole body felt heavy. The ground was moving beneath him. He didn’t want to get out of bed. 

The space next to him was empty. Iwa was already up, that bastard. He rarely woke up earlier than Oikawa, but then again, he hadn’t had as much to drink as Oikawa last night. 

On the dresser by the bed, there was a bottle of ibuprofen and a glass of cool water. Oikawa smacked his lips and grimaced at the sour taste in his dry mouth. He felt so disgusting. 

Eventually, he found the energy to take some pills and down the entire glass of water. He stumbled out of bed. If he looked in the mirror, he knew that he’d hate what he saw. His hair and clothes were probably an absolute mess, and there were definitely dark circles beneath his red eyes. 

He spotted Iwa in the kitchen and made his way over, feet heavy against the hardwood floor. 

“G’morning,” Oikawa mumbled, bumping his shoulder against Iwa’s. 

“Sleep well?” Oikawa grunted a response, and Iwa chuckled at that. “My parents took my sister out shopping, by the way. Something about a school dance. Which is why it’s feeling a little emptier than usual.” That made sense; Oikawa had noticed that the house was quieter than usual for a Saturday morning.

It was too early for Oikawa to form a coherent sentence, let alone hold a conversation. He wasn’t sure how Iwa was so awake right now; even though his headache was starting to fade, his mind was currently running through muck. 

He was handed a much-appreciated cup of coffee, and he downed it in three sips. Somehow, Iwa always made Oikawa’s coffee better than anyone else, like he had some kind of magic coffee touch.

Iwa slid a plate of food across the kitchen counter over to Oikawa. It smelled delicious. Iwa moved to seat himself next to Oikawa and bumped their legs under the countertop. Oikawa pressed into the touch. Neither pulled away, but neither dared to do more. 

“No dessert?” Oikawa teased. “This is poor hospitality.”

Iwa-chan rolled his eyes and swatted the back of Oikawa’s head. “You practically live here, anyway. Plus, you’re gonna get cavities if you eat too many sweets.”

“Thanks for caring about my health, _mom._ ” Iwa snorted and shoved him hard. “It was a joke!” Oikawa managed to get out before he could get seriously hurt. The other boy accepted that as an apology and settled back in his seat.

A moment later, after a beat of silence, Iwa mumbled, “There’s milk bread by the stove,” and Oikawa gasped in glee. He had no idea how or why the Iwaizumi family always had a constant supply of milk bread, but he was more than grateful, since he never had any at his own house. “But only after you finish your breakfast.”

Oikawa pouted. “Yes, _mom_.” That earned him another hit.

Breakfast was easy going. They chatted like normal in quiet tones, for it was early in the morning and Oikawa was still a bit hungover. They fell into a lull every now and then, but there was no awkwardness between them despite what had happened yesterday. His confession was still fresh in his mind. He hadn’t forgotten it, but he wondered if Iwaizumi had; it would be rather unlike him to do so, but the way he was acting — so nonchalant and easygoing — made it seem like a possibility. 

As Iwa washed the dishes, Oikawa watched his back, propping his chin in the palm of his right hand. That broad back, which held strong muscles from all these years of playing volleyball. Even like this, doing a task so mundane, he looked beautiful. 

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa called out.

Iwa only hummed a response back as a recognition.

“I meant what I said yesterday.”

The muscles in Iwaizumi’s back stopped moving. The sound of running water filled the room as silence loomed in the air. Oikawa didn’t know what he was expecting, to tell the truth. He figured he had an equal chance of getting rejected as he did having his feelings reciprocated. But in reality, he didn’t even know if Iwaizumi was attracted to boys. It never came up in conversation. To be fair, Oikawa hadn’t realized either, until only recently. They were always about girls, girls, _girls_. Oh, how silly and naive they used to be. 

Finally, Iwaizumi’s arms carried on with the task he had paused, and he continued to rinse the dishes under the water. He stayed mute, and Oikawa took this as a sign to continue talking.

“I know this might come as a surprise, so… sorry for springing this upon you. I didn’t realize myself until a few months ago, actually, but um… I think I’ve been in love with you for a while. N-not that it really mattered…. And it was really stupid of me to keep trying to set you up with all these girls when I wanted you to date me instead, and I feel like that’s weird to say, because we’re both guys and you’re my best friend, and I don’t even know if you like boys.” Oikawa was rambling, nerves rushing back into his system and overtaking all logic. His knee bounced rapidly under the countertop. 

By this point, Iwaizumi had finished washing the dishes. He was heading over to Oikawa, but Oikawa kept going. It wasn’t like he had been stopped yet. He tore his gaze away from his friend and stared at his fingers instead, watching as they moved against the surface of the counter and fiddled with each other incessantly. His heartbeat sped up a significant amount. 

“Actually, I didn’t realize I liked boys either, until everything with you happened,” he admitted. He didn’t know who he was saying that to, himself or Iwaizumi. He blinked three times in quick succession as his cheeks and ears heated up. “A-anyways, you don’t have to get back to me now. I understand that I just… blurted it out to you last night, which, _ah,_ _was so awkward,_ but I really did mean it. If you don’t feel the same way, I totally get it —”

“Jeez, it’s really rude of you to make assumptions like that,” Iwaizumi interrupted sharply, cutting through Oikawa’s ramble. He stood across from him. Oikawa couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes, and he flushed harder, cheeks turning hot and pink. He mouthed for words that wouldn’t come out. Iwaizumi continued to speak. 

“I thought about it all night, trying to figure out if you were just messing with me or being serious. I didn’t really sleep much last night,” he admitted. 

“Why would I joke about that kind of stuff —”

“Because I’ve liked you for _years_ , you moron.” Iwaizumi’s cheek twitched as he clenched his jaw. He had also averted his gaze, staring hard at the countertop in front of him. 

Oikawa froze, eyes wide as his breath caught in his throat. 

_What?_

His blood ran cold. How could he have not realized? Was he stupid? He had to be stupid. He was the stupidest person on the whole planet.

“Iwa —”

“So, if this is your way of making fun of me, then I’m going to ask you to leave —”

“No, no, no, wait a minute —”

“— because I don’t want to be friends with someone who —”

“Iwa-chan, wait —”

“ — thinks it’s funny to —”

 _“Hajime.”_ It was the first time he had called Iwaizumi by his given name in _years_. It’s been so long, in fact, that he couldn’t remember the last time he had said it. He had always been “Iwa-chan,” but today, right then and there, he was _“Hajime.”_

That shut Iwaizumi up promptly.

“Hajime, _I love you_. I would never joke about that. I’m sorry for hurting you, for making you feel this way —” He never finished his sentence, because Iwaizumi had leaned across the counter and kissed him. 

Large, calloused hands cupped Oikawa’s cheeks as their lips met. Oikawa returned the kiss after a second of surprise, eyes fluttering shut as he surged forward. An arm reached to tangle fingers in the soft black hair by the base of his head. It was messy, it was chaste, it was better than anything Oikawa had experienced before.

They pulled away a moment later, but stayed inches away from each other’s faces, puffing air against each other’s cheeks, out of breath and a little flustered. Oikawa used this opportunity to take in the sight in front of him. 

There was a beautiful boy that stood across from him, one that had just kissed him like it was the only thing he wanted to do. Blush settled high on Iwa’s cheeks; his lips looked pinker, wetter than usual; his eyes were bright and earnest. Oikawa was sure that he had the same look on his own face. 

“It’s okay,” Iwaizumi whispered. His hands were still holding onto Oikawa’s face. His thumb stroked Oikawa’s cheekbones, and Oikawa brought his own hands over Iwa’s, skimming down his skin and grabbing onto his forearms instead. Iwa held Oikawa like he was a porcelain teacup, and Oikawa felt so fragile at that point, on the brink of tears of relief and joy, that he might as well have been one. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” 

For every apology, Iwa-chan gave him another kiss, some on the lips, some on the forehead, some on his cheeks and nose and eyes and hair. He drowned him in gentle touches that simultaneously tickled his skin, bathed him in comfort, and set him alight. 

Oikawa didn’t know if he was crying or not. He must’ve been, for his cheeks were wet and his nose was runny and Iwa’s eyes were shining, but dry. 

His heart was beating so fast that overwhelmed everything else. The rush in his ears, the tingling in his fingers, the tightness in his chest, the flutters in his stomach…. He had felt all these symptoms before, but this is the first time they felt _good_.

“Tooru, let’s date. For real, this time, not this weird best-friends-but-secretly-lovers kind of thing.” Iwaizumi looked him in the eyes. He was being serious. 

Oikawa couldn’t help but laugh at that, high and bubbly. “Is that what we were doing?”

“That’s what it seemed like to a lot of people.”

“Okay, well. Let’s date for real, then.” He laughed again, easy and full of joy, and leaned in for another kiss, one which Iwaizumi gave with no hesitation.

~ • ~

For the first time in his life, Oikawa knew what it meant to fall happily in love.

High school might’ve been ending, but they were moving on to a whole new part of their life, one which Oikawa now looked forward to with unbounded excitement. It didn’t matter that they were graduating in a few months, that they were going to be going to different schools; they would still find ways to be together, even if they were out all day, studying at the library, or partying late into the night, or hanging with new friends, or working at their part-time job. They’d always come home to each other, kicking off their shoes at the doormat in their apartment, tired and hungry and craving cuddles and kisses and sex and everything only they could give to one another. 

Maybe Oikawa was getting too ahead of himself. Maybe he was being a little idealistic, because he was still here, laying in bed as Hajime rested his head against his bare chest, arms wrapped tight around his torso as Oikawa carded fingers through Hajime’s hair, with a month left of high school and three months before the first day of college. 

But for the first time in his life, he let himself get away with these kinds of thoughts. Because he knew that, at the end of the day, it would always be them against the rest of the world. That’s how it’s been for the last twelve years, and that’s how it would be for the next twelve, and then the next twelve after that, and then the next twelve after that…

Yeah, Oikawa was happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> HELLOOOO! I've been putting off publishing this for a while but it feels like a good time to do so. 
> 
> Thank you so, so, so much for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, kudos/comments are always appreciated! If there are any mistakes/typos, please let me know lol. You can find me on twitter (@XIAODILF - the first i is an L LOL) if you need anything <33


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